‘Sachin should play in 2011 World Cup. Or else.’

E.R. RAMACHANDRAN writes: The Melody Queen, Lata Mangeshkar, has threatened to quit Bombay, once and for all, if the Bombay Municipal Corporation decides to go ahead with the flyover opposite her building on Peddar road.

Both sister Asha Bhosle and Lata fear that the view from their first floor flat would be gone for a six should the flyover come into their lives as an eyesore. Lata has threatened to pack her bags and go with a one-way ticket to nowhere, never to come back.

Naturally, people have taken sides, for and against Lata.

However, not many are aware, that Lata didi has issued more threats, which she does not want to make public, but which has handed over to Maharashtra chief minister Vilasrao Deshmukh with a ‘cc’ to Sharad Pawar and Balasaheb Thackeray.

The Maratha mouthpiece Saamna has leaked some of her demands, along with the threats. The Melody Queen, has not yet given a deadline, but her bags are packed and the taxi is waiting… 

Her demands, in her own words, are:

# “During monsoon I find driving cumbersome and tiring in waist-deep water. I want one exclusive road, dry and pothole free, from my house to Santa Cruz and Sahar airports. Or else, my bags are packed and the taxi is waiting…

#Sachin Tendulkar should be allowed to play in the 2011 World Cup for which the manager shall be Raj Singh Dungarpur. Or else…

# “All the hotels and restaurants in Bombay should compulsorily serve vada paav, saboodana vada, batata poha, usal and misal. Or else…

# “Our Governor S.M. Krishna is making too many trips to Male Mahadeshwara temple in Karnataka. Instead, he should visit Shirdhi Saibaba Temple at Nasik. Or else…

# “The two Sachins—the actor and the master blaster—should act in a film as twins. Or else…

# “The annual diamond fair should be shifted from Antwerp to Antop Hill. I should be made a lifetime chief guest to inaugurate the same in every year. Or else…

#Raj and Uddhav Thackeray should sort out their differences and work with Balasaheb. Or else…

# “I will allow remix songs, only if Suresh Wadkar and I sing under my brother, Hrudaynath Mangeshkar, with Amol Palekar and Kajol donning the greasepaint. Or else….

#Sunil Gavaskar should be made the coach of Indian team with Dilip Vengsarkar as assistant coach and Ravi Shastri as trainer. Milind Wagle should be made a permanent member in the commentary team. Or else…”

Meanwhile, Vilas Rao Deshmukh, Sharad Pawar, Sachin Tendulkar and Suresh Kalmadi—the Maratha Brigade—are planning to sing Gustafi maaf, Gustafi maaf in front of her house to pacify her.

Bal Thackeray, meanwhile, has warned President Bush, there would be bloodshed in India and US, if  he dares to give the Melody Queen musical asylum anywhere in the United States. President Musharraf has also been served similar notice. 

Next week, the UPA along with Shiv Sena minus Raj plus Uddhav are planning to meet at the Wankhede stadium to study Lata didi’s memorandum and take immediate action. The Left, as usual, are watching the situation with the usual unusual interest.

The flyover itself—er, the place where the flyover is supposed to come up—has become some kind of a tourist spot. Meanwhile, the taxi waiting in front of her building has been sent to Poona and Vilas Rao Deshmukh has warned the driver from entering Bombay again.