Sachin Tendulkar as seen by our TV channels

E.R. RAMACHANDRAN writes: That Sachin Tendulkar is arguably, one of the greatest batsmen has been acknowledged by a wide spectrum of population from the masala chaiwala in Surat to the bungee jumper in Auckland and why, even the late Sir Don Bradman himself.

With such exalted status, it is no small wonder how he manages to keep his sanity within the allowable limits, amidst some of the craziest things that happens to him in his daily life… As Tendulkar looked in the mirror, he saw a few strands of grey hair around his left temple. As he was surveying the scene, his eyes caught his friend Rajdeep Sardesai walking towards him. Before Sachin could turn and greet him, Sardesai dashed out, no doubt, very much disturbed, and, whipped out his mobile and gave quick instructions to the anchor Sagarika Ghose in Delhi. He immediately hopped in to the car and drove towards the Airport.Ten minutes after the event, as a puzzled Sachin sat for dinner with his family, Sagarika came with ‘Breaking News’ on CNN-IBN in a voice somewhere between a shriek and a scream.

“Sachin is getting old. He appears to worry a lot. Do you think the patch of gray strands he is getting of late on his left temple, is due to:

1. The long absence from cricket because of ‘tennis elbow’?

2. Even longer absence of the head chef at the ‘Tendulkar’s’?

3. Some more ominous predictions from the priests at Udupi Temple due to Sarpa Dosh?

For ‘yes’ to 1, please’ SMS 8868 Y’

For ‘No’ to 1, please ‘SMS 8868 N’

If it is ‘2’ and ‘3’, please don’t answer, and please, please don’t go to bed until we resolve this. Our Managing Editor Mr. Rajdeep Sardesai is expected by midnight with details of any incremental growth during the period. Mr. Sardesai, is also in touch with members connected with ‘2’ and ‘3’ even as we speak to you. Don’t go away! Stay with us.

Next morning, on his way to MIG Club at Bandra, when Sachin coughed twice, Arnab Goswami who was within the earshot, turned blue all over, ran outside to send an SMS to Mini Menon. Before Sachin could get his hand kerchief for the third cough which was on its way, Mini was on the air at ‘Times- Here & Now’ channel ‘Breaking the News’ and asking the viewers to get cracking and SMS ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ for the following:

“Is Sachin likely to be down with ‘Fishgunya’ which one gets normally after eating ‘Hilsa’ fish marinated with wine after deep frying in butter? This results in sore throat, which manifests with a forerunner of a triple-cough. If it is indeed so,

Since Sachin is not yet a triple- centurian, is a triple cough a reminder?

If ‘yes’, please SMS COUGH 3 ‘yes’.

Could this affect his batting if he opens or, would coming lower down in the batting order would send Siddu’s BP racing towards a double century and turn his light pink turban to deep scarlet? If you don’t agree to this, forget it. We are wasting our time!

Much later, as Sachin, turned on the TV before going to bed, heard the singsong voice of news reader at DDI in its 11P.M. News:

“The BCCI had setup a high Pawar Committee to ‘study the effect of using heavy bat on the Right Elbow of Shri. S.R. Tendulkar. Later, upon the recommendation of the sitting judge of the Parliamentary Standing Committee, the scope of the study was widened to include Shri. Sachin Tendulkar’s arm, hand, wrist, palm, fingers and nails. The UPA chairperson, P.M. and F.M. wanted the Study to cover his left-hand too and increased the Grant-in–Aid.

“The committee has found Shri. Tendulkar’s right hand on the road to recovery, but the Committee on Left-hand has advised him to exercise utmost caution so that it does not recur in his left hand. The Subcommittee of Doctors appointed by Health Minister Hon. Ramadoss has also cleared him for the tour, provided he does not endorse any soft drink which could create cavities in his bones.”