Sorry, Sherlock Holmes is not a block of flats

E.R. RAMACHANDRAN writes: Purvankara, Shobha, Sankalp and Brigade are some of the biggest names among property developers and builders on the horizon. As Bangalore is growing faster than Kempe Gowda’s wildest dreams and is on the verge of becoming a nightmare at his grave, people have resigned to the fact it can’t be contained anymore. Everyday new developers come on the scene and offer features that make the ones offered the previous day, a big yawn.

Recently there was an exhibition at Kanteerava Indoor Sports Complex (The stadium is also known for conducting National Games, Binnys Vs. Blues Football Match etc) of builders, landscape specialists and developers on the future of the industry. Some of them explained their USPs to the media and public.

“Italian marble floorings, Thai furniture, Turkish bathtubs are passé.  The future is already here! Whenever the CM and Deputy CM of the Jugalbandi or Jagalabandi fame move around or ‘Siddu’ sprints to Congress Bhavan with a new found zeal, the traffic is always a mess in Bangalore. We cannot depend on these roads and the auto rakshasaws anymore! We’ll be offering a helicopter drop service—‘ Jatayu’—to our residents from our proposed 100-storey “Himalaya” complex to their schools, offices and back. Jatayu will also pick up and drop boarding-pass holders to HAL and Devanahali airport and back. We are constructing a helipad on top of our building.” This was from Dhruda Sankalp.

“The future is now! We offer fantasy to our residents. We will have our own Airbus 380 parked at the tarmac. During weekends, we will fly them to London for breakfast, lunch in New York, dinner at Dubai and bring them back to Bangalore for work on Monday! Depending on the season, we’ll take them to Holland to watch tulips, Wimbledon for tennis, Oscar awards in Hollywood, World Cup at West Indies. Some of the names that have applied for accommodation in our “ 2 V- Vishwakarma Villa” are : the Bills, Clinton and Gates; Beckham and Zizou as well as Sr. and Jr. Bush. Triple A, if you still don’t know who they are, i.e. Anil, Amar and Amitabh will be our weekend guests,” said Prabha Developers.

“There’s no future anymore. It will always be present! We are unrolling our new concept for the first time.  We‘ll be building a city that will have everything in it. Shopping Malls, Water Falls, Skating Rink… you name it. The works. Those who are our exclusive members of our ‘Siti City”, will have a lifetime of only new experiences! If they want to listen to Bryan Adams, Bhimsen Joshi, Britney Spears, Lata Mangeshkar we will get them here. If they want to watch the World Cup, cricket or football, we will sponsor and get them to play right here in Siti City. At the flick of a button, they can have the rains of Mumbai, the New York Snow or sunshine of Bahamas. No need to wait for seasons anymore!” That was from Paschimankara, who is known to specialize in features that tickle your funny bone.

The media whose collective mouth was wide open, managed to squeak in a question. Will there be any takers for the dream house or fantasy, which surely would cost a mega bomb?

“Takers?? We are over booked!! There’s one problem, though. We know how to take approvals and ‘ reguralise’ things from BMRD, BIAAPA, KEB, etc!! Since the roads here are generally either under water or always bursting at seams, we want to fly our residents. We don’t know where to apply and the ‘rates’ for license for flying our helicopters, and planes in and around Bangalore!”