E R RAMACHANDRAN writes: The meeting started exactly one minute after Rahu Kaalam at Keraleeya Samajam in Mumbai. The meeting was necessitated by the expansionistic tendency of Karnataka.
After gobbling up Belgaum, its greedy eyes were on Kasargod. Hence at the behest of the Deputy Chief Minister of Maharashtra, officials of both Government of Maharashtra and Kerala Government were meeting to discuss ways and means to curb Karnataka’s growing imperialism.
“Karnatak is behaving like North Korea. We have to stop it now before it becomes another Hitler,” started the Deputy C.M.
“I agree. Karnatakam is a combination of Iraq and Iran. We have to start imposing sanctions just like US did for Afghanistan before liberating it from Taliban.” That was the Kerala Minister.
“We have decided not to export potato and onions with immediate effect. If you stop exporting banana chips, Karnataka will be dead. Their Bisi Bele Bhath will be finished.”
“I have asked all our teashops across the State not to make ‘Chhaya’ any more. They just can’t get up in the morning without bed-tea.”
“We will also make sure no trains cross over and come to our States. Mahalakshmi Express and Kurla Express will stop well before Miraj. You make sure Kanyakumari Express and Island Express do not enter your State. We will isolate them.”
“Very good idea. We should also ask Tamil Nadu to join us in imposing sanctions. They too have problem with Karnatakam about Cauvery waters. Karnatakam people are crazy about Carnatic music. We will ask Tamil Nadu not to allow its musicians to perform in Karnatakam.”
“Super idea. We have some influence in Dharwad and Hubli. We will make sure no Hindustani singers enter Karnataka and starve them of Gharana music also.”
Kerala Chhaya and Vada-paav was served every hour throughout the meeting.
“I have one more idea. We will ask Sharad Pawar to take way the captaincy from Dravid. But the question arises who should lead the team?”
“Naturally either our Sreeshanth or your Powar.”
“Good. Any other areas we can think of?”
A junior member of GOM raised his hand.
“Karnataka has become a global player now. All the top companies of the world have moved their offices there. It has the best scientists pool. It exports 37% of country’s software and has 50% of sales in BT. Major Banks and publishing houses have moved their offices there. It has become the largest exporter of flowers recently……’.
The Deputy Chief Minister cut him short.
“What do you want to say?”
“How do we stop their progress?”
“We will take the help of Patil and Antony from Government Of India (GOI), to stop them at National / International Level. There is one more way. If we can ensure poor roads, terrible infrastructure, then they cannot grow,” said the Deputy Chief Minister triumphantly.
The junior minister replied, “There is no need to do that, sir. The Government Of Karnataka is already doing it for us!”