E R RAMACHANDRAN writes: The meeting started exactly one minute after Rahu Kaalam at Keraleeya Samajam in Mumbai. The meeting was necessitated by the expansionistic tendency of Karnataka.
After gobbling up Belgaum, its greedy eyes were on Kasargod. Hence at the behest of the Deputy Chief Minister of Maharashtra, officials of both Government of Maharashtra and Kerala Government were meeting to discuss ways and means to curb Karnataka’s growing imperialism.
“Karnatak is behaving like North Korea. We have to stop it now before it becomes another Hitler,” started the Deputy C.M.
“I agree. Karnatakam is a combination of Iraq and Iran. We have to start imposing sanctions just like US did for Afghanistan before liberating it from Taliban.” That was the Kerala Minister.
“We have decided not to export potato and onions with immediate effect. If you stop exporting banana chips, Karnataka will be dead. Their Bisi Bele Bhath will be finished.”
“I have asked all our teashops across the State not to make ‘Chhaya’ any more. They just can’t get up in the morning without bed-tea.”
“We will also make sure no trains cross over and come to our States. Mahalakshmi Express and Kurla Express will stop well before Miraj. You make sure Kanyakumari Express and Island Express do not enter your State. We will isolate them.”
“Very good idea. We should also ask Tamil Nadu to join us in imposing sanctions. They too have problem with Karnatakam about Cauvery waters. Karnatakam people are crazy about Carnatic music. We will ask Tamil Nadu not to allow its musicians to perform in Karnatakam.”
“Super idea. We have some influence in Dharwad and Hubli. We will make sure no Hindustani singers enter Karnataka and starve them of Gharana music also.”
Kerala Chhaya and Vada-paav was served every hour throughout the meeting.
“I have one more idea. We will ask Sharad Pawar to take way the captaincy from Dravid. But the question arises who should lead the team?”
“Naturally either our Sreeshanth or your Powar.”
“Good. Any other areas we can think of?”
A junior member of GOM raised his hand.
“Yes?”
“Karnataka has become a global player now. All the top companies of the world have moved their offices there. It has the best scientists pool. It exports 37% of country’s software and has 50% of sales in BT. Major Banks and publishing houses have moved their offices there. It has become the largest exporter of flowers recently……’.
The Deputy Chief Minister cut him short.
“What do you want to say?”
“How do we stop their progress?”
“We will take the help of Patil and Antony from Government Of India (GOI), to stop them at National / International Level. There is one more way. If we can ensure poor roads, terrible infrastructure, then they cannot grow,” said the Deputy Chief Minister triumphantly.
The junior minister replied, “There is no need to do that, sir. The Government Of Karnataka is already doing it for us!”
i hope ur not articulating the mindset of all kannadigas..from ur post it appears as if kannadigas don’t like any of their neighbours(except maybe andhraites, maybe)..leave alone the rest of the country..this is dangerously akin to the shivasena..the rest of the country likes and respects karnataka pls refrain frm abusing and ridiculing others
and fyi dravid is a maharashtrian brahmin on both sides..they only live in bengalooroo
ಕಿಲ ಕಿಲಾ ಅಯ್ಯಯ್ಯಪ್ಪಾ!!! ಯಾವ ನನ್ನ ಮಗಾ ರೀ ಈ ಪಾಟೀಲ?
ನಮ್ಮ ಅಣ್ಣವ್ರಿಗೆ ಏನು ಕೋಪ ಬಂದಿದೆ ಗೊತ್ತಾ, ಈ ಬೆಳಗಾವಿ ಮತ್ತು ಕಾಸರಗೋಡು ವಿವಾದದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ?? ನನಗೆ ಇವತ್ತು ಹೇಳ್ತಾ ಇದ್ರೂ, “ರಾಯಾ, ನಾನು ಭೂಮಿ ಮೇಲೆ ಇರಬೇಕಿತ್ತು, ಈ ನನ್ನ ಮಗ ಪಾಟೀಲಂಗೆ ಸರಿಯಾಗಿ ಬುದ್ಧಿ ಕಲಿಸುತ್ತಿದ್ದೆ…. ಅಲ್ಲ, ಇವನು ಯಾವ ಕಳ್ಳ ನನ್ನ ಮಗ ಅಂತೀನಿ, ನಮ್ಮ ತಂಟೆಗೇ ಬರ್ತಾನೆ? ಕನ್ನಡದವರ ವಿಷಯ ಅವನಿಗೆ ಇನ್ನೂ ಗೊತ್ತಿಲ್ಲ. ಕೆಣಕಿದರೆ, ನಾವು ಸಿಂಹಗಳು. ಒಂದು, ಒಂದೇಒಂದು ಗುಡುಗು ಹಾಕಿದರೆ ಸಾಕು, ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಇರೋ ಹುಲಿಗಳೆಲ್ಲಾ ಬಾಲ ಮುದುರಿಕೊಂಡು ಓಡಿಹೋಗುತ್ವೆ!! ಇನ್ನೂ ಹತ್ರ ಬರ್ತಾರಾ, ಬೆಳಗಾವಿನ ತೊಗೊಳ್ಳೋಕ್ಕೆ? ನಮ್ಮ ಸಾರಾಯಿ ಗೋವಿಂದು ಗೊತ್ತಲ್ಲಾ? ಅದೇನಪ್ಪಾ, ನಮ್ಮ ಸಾ ರಾ ಗೋವಿಂದುನಪ್ಪಾ, ಅವನಿಗೆ ಒಂದು ಮಾತು, ಒಂದು ಮಾತು ಸಾಕು ಈ ಪಾಟೀಲನ್ನ ನೋಡ್ಕೊಳ್ಳೋಕ್ಕೆ!! ನಮ್ಮ ಕನ್ನಡಪಡೆ ಜೊತೆ ಆ ಪಾಟೀಲನ್ನ ಅಟ್ಟಾಡಿಸಿಕೊಂಡು ಆಟಾ ಆಡಿಸಿಬಿಡ್ತಾನೆ!!”. ಏನೇ ಆದ್ರೂ ಪಾಪ, ಅಣ್ಣವರು, ಬಹಳ ಬೇಜಾರು ಮಾಡ್ಕೊಂಡ್ರು.
ಅಲ್ಲ, ಈ ಪಾಟೀಲಂಗೆ ತಾನು ಹೇತಿರೋದನ್ನೇ ತೊಳ್ಕೊಳ್ಳೊಕ್ಕೆ ಆಗಿಲ್ಲ, ನಾವೆನೋ ಮಾಡಿದ್ದೀವಿ ಅಂತ ತೊಳೆಯೊಕ್ಕೆ ಬರ್ತಾ ಇದ್ದಾನೆ!! ಯಾರಾದ್ರೂ ಏನಾದ್ರೂ ಮಾಡೀಪ್ಪಾ!! ಕನ್ನಡ ನಾಡನ್ನ ಉಳಿಸೀಪ್ಪ, ನಿಮಗೆಲ್ಲ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯದಾಗುತ್ತೆ!!
ಒಂದು ಕಡೇ ವಿಷಯ, ಈ ಚುರುಮುರಿ ಅಂತರ್ಜಾಲಕ್ಕೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಜೀವ ಬಂದ ಹಾಗಿದೆ!! ಆ ಕೃಷ್ಣಪ್ರಸಾದ್ ಗೆ, ದೇವರು ಒಳ್ಳೆಯದು ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾನೆ, ಅಣ್ಣಾವರ ಆಶೀರ್ವಾದ ಖಂಡಿತಾ ಇರುತ್ತೆ!!
ಧೀರೇಂದ್ರಣ್ಣಾ, ಕೇಳಿಸ್ಕೊಂತಾ ಇದ್ದೀಯಾಪ್ಪಾ?
ಕಿಲ ಕಿಲಾ, ಅಯ್ಯಪ್ಪಾ!!!
“q
Up your!!!
i being born and brought up in Karnataka do not think that whatever we do or think is correct. I do not think ‘patriotism means having disregard for others. Among the Southern states, my Karnataka is the most ‘insecure’ state. and a few people are responsible for this state of mind. Hope E R Ramachandran is not part of that.
Dont even think Karnataka has become a Global player just cause Bangalore is exploding. Have you people travelled North Karnataka. Holding one session of the L.Assembly in Belgaum does not serve the purpose. Gauge the sentiments of the people. Or otherwise the only state to have its ‘National Flag’ will have to use it to cover the filthy minds!
Karnataka bagge ishtu keelagi yochane madoranna entertain madabaradu annisuthe navu yarige enu madiddeve namma padige navu iddeve adhe thappu aniisuthe.
As someon has told in one of the comments we are just like india invaded by all possible persons but still have our own identity summane namma bagge hege jana yochane madodu nodidare ondu thara khushinu aaguthe hege karnatakada bagge yavagalu bhaya idhe antha.
Recently in one of the serial in UDAYA there was a dialogue
NIVU KANNADADORU HANUMANTHANA THARA NIMMA SHAKTHI BAGGE ARIVE ILLADE IRUTHIRA ADARE NIMMA SHAKTHI NIMAGE GOTHADARE ENU BEKADARU SADHISUTHIRA.
This will going to happen soon kanndadoru eddare yarannu bidolla summane nimma kelasa nodikondu nivu iri antha ellarigu helale bekw
i’m not being sycophantic – i love karnataka and bengalooroo. i will never forget the hospitality and help that ordinary kannadigas from the pensioner couple in lal bagh or the autowalla to Sri Gavi Gandadareshwara or the khadi gramodyog saleslady or the museum staff. i visited this truly blessed city in 2004 and although i dont speak kannada at all not one person turned me away, or was other than sweet.
i respect kannadigas for their talent, simplicity, unflappable manner and overall suaveness, irrespective of gender and age (as do many people i know who’ve never actually visited karnataka.)
i also felt bad when i saw some people from other parts of the country who couldn’t see or appreciate these qualities. (tho i myself saw an old north indian couple picking up some samosa wrappings from near ulsoor lake to put in the dustbin and glared at us, tho we weren’t littering.)
not all “outsiders” feel for the soil like you kannadigas do but many of us do.
you must and shld protect ur state – it is beautiful and many will try…just like there was talk of making mumbai a UT during the 2005 floods.
but pls also cld u respect other states who have respect for you…
I am a Kannadiga born in Mysore, and likes everything Karanataka. But I think this is a poor-tasting post.
Gawd guys…chill out !!! This is obviously a humorous piece…should that be spelt out ? I wonder what you guys would do if you saw movies like ‘Borat’ ? We need to have more fun in the bone guys.
Do you really belivee that Mr. ramachandran belives that such a thing would happen ? Gosh…no point in explaining…anyway….
Thanks Decemberstud! At last, somebody saw what it was meant to be.
The ‘inspiration ‘ for the piece was from a letter written by Maharashtra Deputy C.M. to the Home Minister of Kerala suggesting they should get ‘together’ and form a ‘common front’ to fight Karnataka over Belgaum and Kasaragod. This was reported in all Newspapers.This is a hilarious move in itself reminding one of ‘Axis’ and ‘Allies’ of World wars! I only extended by adding some stupid things. To be fair to all of them ,I had to add how Karnataka Govt. is doing its own bit to thwart the progress of Karnataka by ignoring the infrastructure in the State!
Thanks Again DS!!
It took one Stud to make people realise that this was nothing but humour. Isn’t this well packed by Mr.ERR? But the fact remains that we are doing good in IT/BT and certain sectors and not doing good in many others…be it in North Karnataka or Bangalore roads…and the Govt of Kar has remained oblivious to all these…
No problem Mr. Ramachandran. I have always thoroughly enjoyed your writings. Glad, I was of some help ;)
Arun, yep, I thought some of the responses were funnier than the original (no disrespect to erram…LOL). And, I guess you are the only Padaki from Mysore that I don’t know…hmmmm.
Idiotic post. Shameless post insulting neighbors.