If Cheeka is an analyst, I’m a rocket scientist

SUNAAD RAGHURAM writes: Krishnamachari Srikkanth, with a double ‘k’ to his name for numerological compatibility, is a neurological liability!

Sample this, courtesy CNN-IBN on the night of the second day’s play in the first Test match against South Africa:

Lady: So the Indians have done very well in the first Test.

Srikkanth: Yes, I can’t remember when the Indian team got the opposition out for double digits.

Lady: Neither can I.

Srikkanth: Shall I tell you the reason. It was VRV Singh. Although he had nothing to do with the bowling, it was Singh who was the spark. He ‘enlightened’ the team!

Lady: Saurav Ganguly also did well.

Srikkanth: Yeah, to a certain extent.

Gosh! What gobbledygook! What undiluted, pure, crystal clear, unadulterated, finely distilled non sense! And coming from a cricketer who was introduced on the show as a former India captain!

Nothing of the steel that Ganguly exhibited on a pitch that wasn’t exactly a bed of roses impressed Srikkanth.

Not the unfathomable mental pressure he was under when he walked out to play ball with India quite precariously placed.

Surely not the application and the oneness of purpose that Ganguly’s demeanour at the crease exuded.

Definitely not the 50 not out in circumstances that had so many personal ramifications. Never really the demons he had to battle in the unseen insides of his soul after being treated with contempt and disdain by an ungrateful cricket establishment.

And Srikkanth was surely not thinking of the heroics of Sreesanth, a rookie fast bowler with a gutsy attitude and a hard to douse fire in his belly. And of Zaheer Khan and Kumble.

I hope the day dawns soon when we will see the maverick opener hold forth with biblical wisdom on the intricacies of Kabaddi and why and how India won the gold at the Doha Asiad! And to think the dastardly sun doesn’t normally rise until 6 am from behind the majestic Chamundi hill across my flat’s balcony.

What a tragic wait!