The most f***ing versatile word in the world

SUNAAD RAGHURAM writes: If any of you have any doubts about Rajneesh aka Osho being one of the most radical thinkers of the 20th century, here’s something that should help dispel any such lingering confusions.

Rajneesh was known to speak extempore on a whole gamut of subjects during evening times at his commune in Pune in the heyday of his cult in the 1980s.

Here’s a verbatim account of one such speech. A speech in which he so inimitably delineates one of the most commonly and widely used four letter expletives in the world, f***!

There is uproarious laughter among his disciples as he goes on and on, putting the F-word to good use, especially from the perspective of English grammar!

Here goes:

“F*** is one of the most beautiful words. English language should be proud of it….

“I don’t think any other language has any such beautiful word.

“One Tom from California has done great research on it. I think he must be the famous Tom. Of Tom, Dick, Harry fame…

“He says one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word F***. It is a magical word. Just by its sound it can describe  pain, pleasure, hate and love.

“In language, it falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive—John f***ed Mary—and intransitive—Mary was f***ed by John. And as a noun: Mary is a fine f***!

“It can be used as an adjective. Mary is f***ing beautiful. As you can see, there are not many words with the versatility of the word f***! Besides the sexual meaning, there are also the following uses.

Fraud: I got f***ed at the used car lot!

Ignorance: F*** if I knew!

Trouble: I guess I’m f***ed now!

Aggression: F*** you!

Displeasure: What the f*** is going on here!

Difficulty: I can’t understand this f***king job!

Incompetence: He is a f*** off!

Suspicion: What the f*** are you doing!

Enjoyment: I had a f***ing time!

Request: Get the f*** out of here!

Hostility: I’m going to knock your f***ing head off!

Greeting: How the f*** are you!

Apathy: Who gives a f***!

Innovation:  Get a bigger f***ing hammer!

Surprise: F***, you scared the shit out of me!

Anxiety: Today is really f***ed!

And it is very healthy too. If every morning you do it as a transcendental meditation… just when you get up… the first thing… repeat the mantra, f*** you, five times… it clears the throat… that’s how I keep my throat clear….enough for today!

postscript: This is a transcript from a sound file I received from a friend the other day! There couldn’t have been anything more hilarious and queerly odd for a lesson in English grammar! Hope not English professors in the Mysore University do a Rajneesh in class! But then, what the f***? I passed out quite a long time ago, didn’t I!