Who would you like to be sent to the Moon?

E.R. RAMACHANDRAN writes: ISRO Director G. Madhavan Nair is all set to launch Chandrayawn, the trip to the Moon, in 2008. But unlike NASA, he thinks we should send a civilian or two along with the scientists. He feels this will show to the world that we are the largest democracy and that we do things differently from the Yankees. He has called for nominations for the ‘Aam Aadmi’ slot.

The IIT /IIM students have met Nair and requested that Union HRD Minister Arjun Singh be sent to the Moon to practice the ABC of OBC calculations. They argued that when he is alone there, he will not have interference from his sacred objective and can work till he gets his figures right.

The students had brought an old geometry box with a Divider which they said, Singh could use to divide the Moon the way he wanted without getting rapped on the knuckles by the Supreme Court. Of course, we would see some scratches from here, but we should cheerfully accept the fact he is doing some important work there.

The BCCI, as always spoke with two voices. Vice-President Lalit Modi wanted India’s coach Greg Chappell to be sent so he could float new theories on coaching without having to bother about leakage of email and SMS. Modi argued that with gravity being eight times lower all of Chappell’s pet theories would work well at least on Moon. Later he could be brought back to implement the same by factoring everything by 8.

The BCCI’s chief administrative officer Prof. Ratnakar Shetty wanted to send India’s Captain Rahul Dravid so that he could sharpen his theory about Virender Sehwag. Without the media hounding him, Dravid could establish how Sehwag is better than Ramdin, Ramkadin or what’s-his-name. He could also study the Indian cricket annals in detail and find out whether Goa Cricket Association’s Desai has really contributed anything to cricket at all to Indian cricket.

Bollywood wanted to send Amitabh Bachhan and Shah Rukh Khan so that they could sort out their differences there and decide between the two who should win this year’s Filmfare award. Some feared Shah Rukh may send Ash-Abhisekh packing to moon as his marriage gift and kill competition in one stroke.

Indian tennis chief, R.K. Khanna said he would like to wanted to send Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi to Moon so that they could freely practice their ‘Chest-Butts’ and the public could decide once for all whether Lee-Hesh had made up or still katti.

Closer home, the Congress party in Karnataka wanted to send Chief Minister H.D. Kumaraswamy on a secret mission to moon so that his minders wouldn’t have to worry where he has to next go for his night-halt.

Others thought the former Prime Minister H.D. Deve Gowda would be more suitable as he could plan all his moves and countermoves peacefully. Since he generally kept all and sundry confused with his motives, they wanted to see, in a lighter atmosphere, whether the moon would have any effect on him or his theories.

Buddhadeb Bhattacharjya wanted to send Mamata Didi and give her a part of the moon––Chandigram—as her gift so that she could practice her daily hartal and hunger strike.

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Who do you wish to send anybody to Moon? Tell us why.