E.R. RAMACHANDRAN writes: Sonia Miss was going through the final exam papers and it was time to write the ‘Progress Report’ of her wards for one last time.
As she flipped thro’ the sheets of papers comprising Home work, Essays, Composition and Impositions (‘I will not…’), she knew all of them were loyal to the core and would do anything to be in her good books.
She was ready to write the confidential report on the first student of her class.
‘Arjun: the senior-most member of the class likes only maths and likes in particular irrational numbers, vulgar fractions like 33 1/3%. Still weak in A-B-C, but keeps over-writing on O-B-C. Have to promote him otherwise it’s T-C for the overaged kid from the school.”
Then she wrote on the next student.
“Anbu: Has a great liking for Ward-fights and picks up a few on his daily rounds like a bull-dog. For his persistent problems like piles, measles and kidney stone, believes applying Pepsi is the best medicine. Have to promote him for keeping peace in school.”
“Sharad: Is really a kidult moving as an adult. He can’t distinguish between paddy field and cricket field and has failed in both. Coupled with his incoherence and unreadable mind he is a teacher’s nightmare.”
“Kamal: Has a problem in keeping his attendance up and was in school only a month for the whole year. He tours all over the world with his godfathers in the US and UK, but brings me gifts from IMF, G-36 meetings etc. Has a weakness for holding never-ending rounds of talks on tariffs. If I don’t promote him, the flow of my Italian lasagnas and pastas will stop.”
“Chidu: Is supposed to be the best in the class and quotes from Thiruvalluvar and Subramnaya Bharathi often whether anybody understand or not. He is supposed to get ‘dream’ marks, but is yet to deliver the goods. When he is wearing his native dress, I have problem in making out whether he is coming in or going away! Have to retain him for the time being.”
Although one of the students is not attending school anymore, Sonia Miss still decided to evaluate him.
“Maran: Was admitted into the class, mainly because of influence, but surprisingly did well. His guardians suddenly yanked him off the school because of family fights. Right now, this boy is c/o footpath. They have also stolen his TV set.”
Next, she got to the class Monitor.
“Although Mohan is the class monitor, he is so quiet, everybody including the teacher thinks he is absent. Other boys come in and go out at will, do soo-soo in class, throw paper rockets at him, still he is cool. I wonder if I was right in making him the class monitor, but is the best choice till I replace him with a younger, more dashing cute kid.”
Finally, she wrote about Rahul, the trainee who will remain in the class and results will not affect him.
“Has a great future because of the blue bloodline, tends to shoot his mouth once in a while, but that is a trait in the family, because of which he will scale new heights. Failed badly in the selection exam, but success is guaranteed for him. I will have to ensure this somehow.”
Do you have inputs for Sonia Miss for others in the class such as Mani, Pranab et al? Share it with us.