The hunt for the next President of India has become a major farce. Everybody likes the incumbent A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, but he doesn’t want a second term. Vice President Bhairon Singh Shekawat wants the job but even his own party doesn’t want to put him up.
N.R. Narayana Murthy thinks the middleclass millions want him but the politicians don’t. The Left wants Pranab Mukherjee but the Congress can’t spare him. The Congress wants Shivaraj Patil but the Left doesn’t think he is cut out for the job.
Result: a rank dark-horse Pratibha Patil seems set to be the nation’s first woman Rashtrapatni.
But, hang on, why can’t we have William Jefferson Clinton, known to the rest of the world as Bill Clinton, as President of India? Here are 9 reasons why he would be a perfect resident of Rashtrapati Bhavan.
9) The post of President is a titular one. There are no executive powers. So how does it matter, who gives a fish, as to who is Prez?
8) If he could be the leader of the free world, the President of the United States of America, for eight long years, surely signing autographs, smiling for the photo-ops must be a walk in the Rose Garden for Bill?
7) If we can have a foreigner as coach of the Indian cricket team, why can’t we have a foreigner as President?
6) Sure, Kalam was a People’s President, who opened the doors of the Rashtrapati Bhavan to everybody and met a lot of kids. ‘Slick Willy’ would be more than willing to do that at any time of day or night, especially night.
5) Priyanka and Rahul Gandhi could do with a bit of good advice, and maybe Chelsea Clinton could do with a bit of sight-seeing around the world’s largest democracy in preparation for her term?
4) Clinton is a master at schmoozing who could sell a refrigerator to an eskimo in winter without offering a discount. He is on first name terms with every world leader and will get on very well.
3) Hillary Rodham might well end up at 1600, Pennsylvania Avenue in 2008. So husband here, wife there, could be a match made in heaven for Indo-US relations, especially that tricky N-bill thingy.
2) America has been outsourcing thousands of its key jobs to us. Surely, it’s time for ungrateful us third-worlders to return the favour by at least giving one person a job in return?
1) Hey, Billy boy is just 61 years of age and finally—finally!—we would have some with the drive, dedication and determination to make use of all the 340 rooms in the hut atop Raisina Hill.
Bonus reason: Like Pratibha Patil and Shivaraj Patil, Bill saab is a “Lingayat” in his own way.
Why go that far? Why has no one thought of somebody from Mr. Karunanidhi’s family!!
If Bill Clinton is a “Lingayat” in the same way, he should be considered an “Iyengar” what with all the Krishna Leela he has been found to be doing with the various North American Gopikas :)
“Like Pratibha Patil and Shivaraj Patil, Bill saab is a ‘Lingayat’ in his own way.”
hehe, I really guffawed at that one.
According to Hindustan Times, Pratibha Patil was born Rajput and married Maratha.
All of you have got things mixed up. Pratibha patil is not lingayat, just because Shivraj and your beloved JH patil happened to be one. Grow out of your narrow Karnataka vision. If I may ask, of what use is the lengthy discussion on Basavanna and lingayat’s in the comments section of one of the earlier posts? You guys don’t know your backside from your knees. She belongs to a landowning Maratha subsect known as Patidars (spread across Maharashrta and Gujarat. Bonus info: same caste to which Pravinjibhai Togadia and Praful Patel belong). Pratibha married one Devi Singh Shekhawat, a Rajasthani Rajput. Now, pls dont make me come back and lecture you on smartas and vaishnavas. I’m 80+ and need to garner some more votes.
Mysorean, please check the report again. It is the other way around. She is from Jalgaon in Maharashtra and has married Shekhawat of Rajasthani origin.
I agree , it is time that India had a President who is an avid practitioner of Kamasutra. President William Jefferson Clinton, we welcome you to the land of Krishna Leela and Kamasutra, with your young gopikas!
Bill Clinton is ‘Lingayat’!
KP: Husharu, Odadisikondu oditaare nimage!!! comments apart, good to read the 9 witty reasons.
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“Bill Clinton is a ‘Lingayat’.”
Cant resist this immature and coarse ditty (which I heard long ago). What did Bill Clinton say to Monica Lewinsky in kannada:
Yele pavana Ganga,
Yethu ninna langa,
Nodthini nin suranga,
Bidthini nanna Linga,
Barthadhe ninna kaige ondhu putta manga!
Girish – do you have any manners at all ? is this what your parents taught you at home? I know you are trying to be funny and humourous but why the hell do you use pavana ganga and linga from your psycho mind ?
I have seen so many islam fanatics who always think that we (hindus) worship linga (dick) ?? this is because of you like people. dont compare shiva’s aatma linga. just google for muslim fanatics and you will understand what I am saying
Finally find your post! I saw this quoted in an article in today’s Indian Express, but they spelt your blog wrongly (it said churimuri). The best recommendation for India’s president was obviously this one (heh!).