9 reasons Bill Clinton could be President of India

The hunt for the next President of India has become a major farce. Everybody likes the incumbent A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, but he doesn’t want a second term. Vice President Bhairon Singh Shekawat wants the job but even his own party doesn’t want to put him up.

N.R. Narayana Murthy thinks the middleclass millions want him but the politicians don’t. The Left wants Pranab Mukherjee but the Congress can’t spare him. The Congress wants Shivaraj Patil but the Left doesn’t think he is cut out for the job.

Result: a rank dark-horse Pratibha Patil seems set to be the nation’s first woman Rashtrapatni.

But, hang on, why can’t we have William Jefferson Clinton, known to the rest of the world as Bill Clinton, as President of India? Here are 9 reasons why he would be a perfect resident of Rashtrapati Bhavan.

9) The post of President is a titular one. There are no executive powers. So how does it matter, who gives a fish, as to who is Prez?

8) If he could be the leader of the free world, the President of the United States of America, for eight long years, surely signing autographs, smiling for the photo-ops must be a walk in the Rose Garden for Bill?

7) If we can have a foreigner as coach of the Indian cricket team, why can’t we have a foreigner as President?

6) Sure, Kalam was a People’s President, who opened the doors of the Rashtrapati Bhavan to everybody and met a lot of kids. ‘Slick Willy’ would be more than willing to do that at any time of day or night, especially night.

5) Priyanka and Rahul Gandhi could do with a bit of good advice, and maybe Chelsea Clinton could do with a bit of sight-seeing around the world’s largest democracy in preparation for her term?

4) Clinton is a master at schmoozing who could sell a refrigerator to an eskimo in winter without offering a discount. He is on first name terms with every world leader and will get on very well.

3) Hillary Rodham might well end up at 1600, Pennsylvania Avenue in 2008. So husband here, wife there, could be a match made in heaven for Indo-US relations, especially that tricky N-bill thingy.

2) America has been outsourcing thousands of its key jobs to us. Surely, it’s time for ungrateful us third-worlders to return the favour by at least giving one person a job in return?

1) Hey, Billy boy is just 61 years of age and finally—finally!—we would have some with the drive, dedication and determination to make use of all the 340 rooms in the hut atop Raisina Hill.

Bonus reason: Like Pratibha Patil and Shivaraj Patil, Bill saab is a “Lingayat” in his own way.