Scenes from the Republic Day parade of 2008

The mind-numbing destruction of public property during the Gujjar agitation in Rajasthan, that shocked the Supreme Court of India into taking suo motu notice, also gave E.R. RAMACHANDRAN an advance glimpse of the 2008 Republic Day as it may unfold on the screens of Doordarshan.

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“Now, over to Komal G.B. Singh.”

“Thank you, Tandon. The Gujjars have taken centrestage here. They have broken everything in sight at the North and South Block, and are rushing towards Parliament house. They are equipped with the latest cycle chains, hockey sticks and atom bombs imported from China.

“Some of them have started breaking the balustrade leading to the visitors’ gallery. One group is rushing towards the Central Hall of Parliament House where the Police are hiding. Now it will be interesting to see whether the Gujjars will attack the police first or the portraits of past national leaders.

“Over to Capt. Borun Haldar.”

“Thank you Komal. The Meenas have almost captured the Delhi Cantonment. If the Army doesn’t get reinforcements quickly, the fall of Delhi Cantt is imminent. They have set fire to the surface-to-surface missiles and Trishuls.

“Oh! The garrison has fallen to the Meenas who have showed great courage and valour even though they were outnumbered by Jawans. They have hoisted their shimmering purple and yellow flag with gold threads which looks lovely on this winter morning of Republic Day. I am sure they will also make claims for bravery awards in the next Republic Day along with the Gujjars.

“Over to Raman.

Dhanvyavaad, captain. A pitched battle is going on between Adi Dravidars and Vanniyars of Tamil Nadu to capture Swami Malai Mandir in R.K. Puram. Even the cooks from the Madras Hotels on Karol Bagh seemed to have joined the agitation. Sometime back one of the parties threw ‘Sambar Powder’ which was promptly replied with ‘Chutney powder’.

“Where are the police? There is a strong rumour they are hiding as patients in AIIMS and Safdarjung hospitals. The Dravidars have SMSed the Meenas to change their course and storm the hospitals. The Vanniars—who are basically low caste dhobis—have taken out their flag—a white cloth made in the mills of Tiruppur, which may be hoisted over Malai Mandir anytime.

“Over to Rini Simon.”

“Thank you, Raman. What’s this I am seeing? Is it a burning train with people in it? Thank god, it’s just a tableau called ‘Godhra’. The next tableau looks like ‘Jallainwalla Bagh’ with police shooting at unarmed people. This one is called ‘Nandigram’. Here comes the last one. Bones of children being dug up from parks. It’s called ‘Noida could be India.’

“Over to Jasdev Singh

Dhanyavaad, Rini. Gujjars, thaal mel ke saath Supreme court ki oar badthe hue… Chief justice aur unke pooren bench bhagte bhagte underground basement mein chhipgayen hain… Army javanone gujjaronka dabav mein idhar-udhar bagh rahe hain..  Senior officers pehle hi idharse bhag chuke hain. Lagtha hai, kabhi bhi Army safed jhanda dikhayenge

Iske saath hi hamara 2008 ganathanthra divas ka vishesh ankho deki haal telecast samaapth hogayi. Abhi abhi samachar prapth hua hain ki Rashtrapatiji aur Pradhanmantriji apne apne nivaason mein Rashtriya Dwajha arohan kar chuke hain.

“Aap sabko  Ganathanthra divas ka mubaarak dethe hue hum aapko DD studio vapas le chalthe hain.”