Welcome to Citibank. If you’ve a cow, press 1

Remember the definitions of communism, capitalism, socialism, etc, using the cow metaphor? T. V. RAJAGOPALAN in New Delhi forwards a reworked set of definitions to fit our corporate entities.

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INFOSYSism: You have 1,000 poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, and send them one at a time to the US for milking.

PATNIism: You have 10 cows. You make them work so that they give milk of 100 cows.

WIPROism: GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

RELIANCEism: You don’t yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501, because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

TATAism: You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as Tata Indicow.

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DELLism: Intel has a goat. Samsung has a camel. Buy milk from both and sell it as cow’s milk.

IBMism: You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to innocent small businessmen.

MICROSOFTism: You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a million dollars to feed poorer cows.

SUNism: You have a bull. It doesn’t give milk. You hate Microsoft.

ORACLEism: You have a cow. You don’t know which side to milk, so you sell tools to help milk cows.

SAPism: You don’t have a cow You sell milking solutions for cows implemented by milking consultants.

APPLEism: You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

HPism: You don’t know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milking solutions through authorised resellers only.

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SONYism: You have a cow. You spend $50 mn to develop the world’s thinnest milk.

GEism: You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year-old cow. If someone finds out, that’s his imagination at work.

CITIBANKism: Welcome to Citibank. If you have a cow, press 1. If you have a bull, press 2. Stay on line if you’d like our customer care to milk it for you.