Reality’s an illusion caused by alcohol deficiency

E.R. RAMACHANDRAN does everyday party birds like Sunaad Raghuram et al a favour by alerting us to the side-effects of you-know-what and the possible remedies for them in this made for you-know-what weather.

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1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle and you are pouring the drink on your feet.
Cure: Manoeuvre glass until open end is facing upward.

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2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You’re lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

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3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You’re looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.

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4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You’re being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they’re taking you.

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5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

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6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You’re in an ambulance.
Cure: Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job.

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7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You’re in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.