The definitions of the various ideologies—communism, socialism, capitalism, etc—using the cow analogy are well known. And we have ourselves run a variation on the same theme using the big corporates. Now, E.R. RAMACHANDRAN forwards us a forward that looks at the same issue through the eyes of our politicians—and the Big Software Firm.
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Chandrababuism: You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to the internet and milk them from Hyderabad.
Jayalalithaism: You have two cows. You teach them to cry “Ammaaaaaaah….” and fall at your feet.
Karunanidhiism: You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.
Gandhism: You have two cows. But you drink goat’s milk.
Indiraism: You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.
Lalooism: You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 crore worth of cattlefeed for them.
Rajnikantism: You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.
Rajivism: You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.
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Softwareism: Client has two cows and you need to milk them.
1. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5. Then prepare two dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which you will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7. You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8. Redo step 4
9. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly (Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance
18. Client is happy? By this time both the cows are aged and can’t provide milk. (The software is old—get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !
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churumuri 
“12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls”
Funniest line I have read in a long time!!!!
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Very Funny. I have been enjoying your thought provoking articles from some time now. Keep up the good work.
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I don’t know how else to bring this to your attention. Col. Vasant and N/Sub.Timmaiah proud sons of Karnataka and India, were killed last week protecting us from vile 2-legged scum in J&K. They were cremeated on the same day, the JD(S) bigwigs were faling over each other to welcome Dr. Haneef at HAL airport. The MSmedia was in a frenzy over Sanju Baba and his prison quarters and the enormous fine of Rs.25,000 levied upon him. There were some decent folk for sure, the common folk who marched with the coffins and the many other youngsters who worked out that night steely in resolve to enlist in the armed forces and finish the work Vasant and Timmaiah gave their lives for. Here’s an interview with Ms. Subhashini w/o Col.Vasant. With the proliferation of blogs and their emergence as the newest channel in the mass media, it is incumbent upon blogs like churumuri not to fall into the TRP trap. Please publish this interview on a separate thread. Thanks.
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After Col V Vasanth, killed in a militant encounter in the valley on Monday (July 30), was cremated with full military honours in Bangalore on Wednesday (August 1) his grief-stricken wife Subhashini consented to speak to TIMES NOW.
It was an understandbly emotional Subhashini who appeared on ‘Newshour’ on Wednesday night, making an appeal on TIMES NOW to people to care enough to respect the sacrifices made by the men who protect the country.
Interview excerpts
Subhashini: At the outset let me tell you that I really am not the first in this list; there have been many more brave women who have faced these kind of situations before in our country – and I just joined the line today (August 1). And I am very proud of my husband for this supreme sacrifice that he has made for the country.
Q: He is an officer, he could have opted out of the Army, taken voluntary retirement yet we are told on that day he went back a second time to take on the militants. We are told that he died trying to safe the life of another armyman who was with him.
Subhashini: That’s true he was trying to save a comrade. though my husband was a commanding officer and needn’t have been in the front, he wanted to be, he said where his men are, he will be.
Q: Do describe Col Vasanth, the man that he was, his persona and the kind of values that he stood by.
Subhashini: He had the highest sense of personal intergrity and principles and a lot of times when I would tell him that he was a really great guy for his dedication – he used to tell me that he is a very average officer and any of his comrades would do the same in his situation. So he felt that he was one of them, the entire Army was of this ethos.
Q: Do you feel that we remember the sacrifices made by our soldiers only when it is convenient to us – when there is a Kargil or a big media event?
Subhashini: Definitely I think that is true, I think the media can do a lot more to focus on these martyrs who have been the true heroes of our country, and also you would motivate our youngsters about our motherland and bring in that nationalist spirit, it is so important nowadays.
I have nothing against Bollywood, I love it – but you (media) should stick to the humane things in life – this is real, this hits hard.
Q: What is your message to political leaders who at times overlook other concerns only to look at politics, what is your message to them?
Subhashini: We cannot ignore national interests. And the Army is there to follow the political leadership. They have to make the right decisions, and whatever decisions they are, I feel they should think of themselves as being in the Army as if they are leading in the front and then take a decision, then it would help definitely.
He was a true fighter, I am extremely proud of him and I am so glad I was a part of his life – though of course at this moment the only source of strength for me is to know that the country respects his sacrifice – that is what will give me strength to bear my personal grief. It is very important for me to know this and the media can play a big role in helping me and all those other women with me, feel this.
It was so heartening for me today when I was in the coffin carriage to see just random people on the road saluting him, doing namaskaram. I cherish those moments when I saw those people. So actually the country does respect them, but it is not projected enough – the media can play a big role in this, please help.
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