Deja Moo: feeling you’ve heard this bull before

The definitions of the various ideologies—communism, socialism, capitalism, etc—using the cow analogy are well known. And we have ourselves run a variation on the same theme using the big corporates. Now, E.R. RAMACHANDRAN forwards us a forward that looks at the same issue through the eyes of our politicians—and the Big Software Firm.

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Chandrababuism: You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to the internet and milk them from Hyderabad.

Jayalalithaism: You have two cows. You teach them to cry “Ammaaaaaaah….” and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism: You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.

Gandhism: You have two cows. But you drink goat’s milk.

Indiraism: You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism: You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism: You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Rajivism: You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

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Softwareism: Client has two cows and you  need to milk them.

1. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5. Then prepare two dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which you will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7. You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8. Redo step 4
9. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly (Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)
17. Again you slog and send it with good performance
18. Client is happy? By this time both the cows are aged and can’t provide milk. (The software is old—get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !

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Also read: Welcome to Citibank. If you’ve a cow, press 1