‘Munna’s like Jesus, better than Gandhi, yaar’

E.R. RAMACHANDRAN writes: It is a hectic job to cover, minute-to-minute the minute details of Dr. Haneef, Russo & co.

Meanwhile, at the Yerwada Jail in Pune:

6 am: As the window opened slightly and the inmate peered at the sky, 500 metres away, 10 metres atop the hotel tower, an excited shriek filled the air. ‘It’s him, it’s him!’

As the figure moved towards his Gita class, the man panned the camera for a close-up and shouted, ‘I got him alright! Clean as a whistle! He looks better than Gandhi yaar. I will tell you what. If he stays a couple of years, he will become bigger than GandhiSab ko chutti kar dega… He shouldn’t go for bail-shail and all that. He should stay in jail! Once he comes out, he can ask for any role and get whatever he wants.  Producers ka line lagjayegi

Piloni: “Excellent idea! It’s only 6:15, if we hurry up, we can put this for breakfast news! Get some more angles. Oh! He has gone in to prayer hall. Never mind. The other guy in the corner… yes, thank god! He’s of same size and build. Take his pictures from back. Yes. As they play this shot, tell Revi to play Rehman’s ‘Maa thujhe salaam...’

11 am: As he started chopping the wood, the Indian paparazzi was at work again. ‘Cool yaar. I just can’t believe this shot. Jesus! He looks like Jesus himself! Can we ask our art director Shinde to replace the chair he is making to what’s- it-called, yes, charka or something? Then the shot will be wonderful. The opening shot will be Yerwada from a distance. Then the camera pans to the cell… at that time Bishnu should play… ‘Raghupathi Raghava Rajaram…’ Then the foggy image of Barkha breaks on the screen, we show him fiddling with Charka. As Barkha’s image becomes clearer she will say… ‘It’s so easy for billions of Indians to eat, live and be merry.. but how many care to remember him? The very soul of Yerwada spinning the charkha…’ That will be gr8!”

5pm: As the telephoto zooms on the thali in the main hall for early supper, Parnab’s voice comes quivering from a rival tower. ‘Can you imagine this? Somebody who is used to mutton paya, chicken and spinach curry, rogan josh, chicken pulao, in between watering holes, has to wait in a line for two rotis, dal, sabzi. This is terrible. If the three of us could get together, we could serve him our favourite dishes for every meal of his. I will speak to Mahesh Bhutta and Anupam Kheer about this. May be Justice Kode is right in serving justice, but this menu is a jaw-breaker. I can’t take it any more. Please SMS us whether you approve of the halka roti and pathla dhal served to him….”

8 pm: Lights off. As he smokes listening to Jagjit Singh faraway, ‘Hum tho chale pardesh, desh men nikla hoga chand...’, the lady from the tower chirps in again. ‘We are happy that we could bring to you, live, life as it happens for the new inmate in Yerwada Jail. We will be back with early morning coverage right up from here. If there’s any ‘breaking news’ from Yerwada, remember you will see it first here… Sweet dreams till then…”