What the cars foretell on Kasturi for budhavara

Our intrepid special correspondent E.R. RAMACHANDRAN scoops day after tomorrow’s news today.


‘Anchor’ Ammani: “Hello, good morning, namasakara, Kasturi viewers!

“Welcome to what promises to be the last leg of Karnataka’s version of Twenty20. Our correspondents have fanned out across the City and are following the developments with a keen eye. But we will will go first to our chief political correspondent ‘G-Category’ Govindappa.

“Over to you, G…”

“Thank you Ammani. We are coming to you live from the Kasturi TV base camp at Padamanabha Nagar petrol bunk. We have similar camps at CM’s house, the Vidhana Soudha, and the Airport. In front of the CM’s house are parked three cars. If the ex-PM takes the black car, it will do an unwilling crawl to Vidhana Soudha where the new CM will be sworn in. Since October 3 is a Wednesday there is rahu kala between noon and 1.30 pm. So, the swearing-in should be over before noon . If the black car doesn’t reach Ambedkar Veedhi before 12, there won’t be any swearing-in ceremony. There will only be swearing by the BJP.

“The white car parked alongside is meant to meet the Congress observer. We understand the CO is hiding somewhere here and will emerge only when the ex-PM takes the second car. If that happens, you can take it as a Congress-JD(S) government.

“The third, the Hummer, is reserved for unknown destinations and emergencies when decisions are taken due to a sudden rush of blood. Like when the ex-PM, after breakfast air-dashes to Delhi, flies over Palam, and comes back in time for lunch.”

‘Anchor’ Ammani: “Let’s hop over to the CM’s residence to see what our correspondent ‘Demand Draft’ Durasiah has for us.

Dhanyavada, Ammani. We are all still waiting for word about the CM’s whereabouts. He was last seen at 2 am three days ago in Akkithimmanahalli eating the previous day’s breakfast as he was behind schedule by over 36 hours.

“After assuring the villagers that his rented one-night cot and mobile toilet would remain in the hut, the CM took off in his helicopter and hovered over a village for three hours to avoid yamaganda kala and landed in a place which is not listed on the map of Karnataka.

“The deputy CM has ordered homeguards and archaeologists to track down the CM and get him to the Vidhana Soudha before noon. But we hear from our sources, that not wanting to take any chances, the deputy has also taken another helicopter and is now doing an aerial survey scouting for the CM.

‘Anchor’ Ammani: The Vidhana Soudha, of course, is where all the action is going to be today. Our political editor ‘Puttinga’ Puttaswamy, who has been closely following all the developments for the last 20 months, has this update.

“Welcome to the media centre at the Vidhana Soudha. There’s just half-an-hour to go before the swearing-in ceremony but there’s still no sign of the CM or his deputy. The canteen is teeming with the JD(S) and BJP groups sitting separately. The Congress group, as usual, is sitting in between looking for crumbs from both sides. The BJP has brought their official purohits who are consulting the shastras on their palm leaves and making their calculations on palm-top computers….”

‘Anchor’ Ammani: Puttinga, I’ll have to cut you short there. I believe ‘G category’ Govindappa is again on the line from the Padmanabha Nagar petrol bunk.

Priya veekshakare, matthe petrol bunkige swagatha. The ex-PM has come out of his house. He is proceeding to the black car. Yes! That means there will be a swearing-in ceremony. No! He is waving to the driver of his white car. It looks as if Congress-JD(S) combo will be back! But, hang on, a third unidentified driver has emerged from nowhere. The ex-PM seems to be going to the airport! It’s obvious; he is going for a short spin over Palam and will be back for lunch. No, he has stopped there in his tracks. All three possibilities can happen now. What a finish for the poor People of Karnataka! They will be finished for ever when all this is over.”

‘Anchor’ Ammani: Let’s go back once again to the CM’s house where I believe there are some new developments.

“Thank you petrol bunk! The Indian Air force has reported that two unidentified helicpopters are involved in a dog fight near the Krishna Raja Sagar dam. They have sent their Jaguars and Canberras to intervene and stop the fight.”

‘Anchor’ Ammani: Over to Airport.

“Thank you! Now we can see the helicopters forcelanding at HAL. The ex-PM’s car has reached the airport as both CM and deputy CM hop out and run toward his car! We don’t know what will happen next. The BJP purohit and the Governor have all reached here. It’s 1 minute to noon!”