E.R. RAMACHANDRAN writes: The election propaganda in the State is yet to reach the high temperature of a viral fever, but there are already telltale signs of that. Sometimes a patient starts prattling under high fever in delirious conditions.
This seems to have happened after a Congress leader offered rice at Rs 2 a kilogram and also a free colour TV as bonus for the voter. I sought the views of spokesman of JD(S) on the Congress’s offer.
“Is it a manifesto? It’s laughable!” said the spokesman of JD(S).
“Why?”
“Tell me. With prices going through the roof, will anyone be able to live with rice at two rupees a kilo? You can’t eat rice alone. What about ragi, godhi, oil, vegetables, etc? Further, you need to cook rice and that needs kerosine which is again so costly.”
“I was happy. Here was somebody who understood the nitty-gritty of day-to-day living.”
“I am so glad you say that. What is your offer or counteroffer to this?”
“How long can anybody eat rice alone? We will distribute land free of cost so that every voter can grow paddy, wheat or whatever. We had prevented NICE from acquiring prime land in the name of the Bangalore-Mysore infrastructure corridor. We will distribute a couple of acres free of cost to each voter so that she can grow and feed the family any item of her choice.”
“Are you giving anything else?”
“Yes. Congress has announced it will give a 32-inch plasma colour TV to every voter. Where will the voter keep such a huge set? Does he have the place? We will give a site of 40 feet by 60 feet to every voter free so that he could build a nice house for himself. Our party leaders have enough lands to distribute free of cost.”
“Won’t it cost a fortune to your Government to fulfill this promise?”
“Anything cheap is not worth the effort. Let’s get elected first. Then we will look into promises and their consequences. We are not exactly new to promises and know what to do with them.’
The BJP spokesman was ready to tackle both Congress and JD(S) offers with his counteroffer.
“What are you offering?” I asked.
“We make no promises that we can’t keep. We make no bones about it. Milk is the most nourishing food rich in calcium which everybody needs. We have already announced a subsidy of Rs 2 for every litre of milk produced by farmers. We might increase it to the cost of milk itself just before the elections.”
“What about those who are not farmers or who are not producing milk?”
“This is our initial offer. Later we propose to include everybody including those who drink milk in to this scheme. Milk is after all consumed by everybody.”
“Anything else?”
“We will start a calamity fund for Rs 500 crore which we will gradually increase it to Rs 50, 000 crore. Since there is bound to be some calamity or other every year and as of now it looks we may not win the Parliament elections, we would not like to go with a begging bowl to the Centre. This fund will help us to tide over any calamity in Karnataka.”
I met the Congress spokesman the next day who had already seen the counteroffers of BJP and JD(s) and had prepared his counter-counteroffer.
“You are in the soup. Your opponents have offered massive subsidies and freebies. What will you do now?”
“We have a Brahmastra which will finish any resistance not only in Karnataka but throughout India. We have just released a political tsunami with two epicentres at Madras and Delhi. Karunanidhi and our own Arjun Singh have just started chanting the mantra of ‘Make Rahul PM’. With Sharad Pawar and Pranab Mukherjee echoing the same, this will gather momentum and sweep everyone, including Manmohan Singh off his chair.”
“Do you think these waves will work now?” I asked.
“Just to make sure we have started a low second tsunami wave by suddenly bringing in to focus Priyanka Wadhra. The national press and breaking-news-by–the–hour electronic media, which mostly covers Shah Rukh Khan’s sneezes and Saif Ali Khan’s new interests, must have slept through the whole of March and April when Priyanka met Nalini in Vellore jail. We will have that as a standby and work on that in case the first wave fails,” said the Congress spokesman.
It is a very good satire!!!
I appreciate the free land offer. But I need a good truck to take the produce to the market. I will vote only if you give me a truck alongwith the free land.
Make that a good truck-something like Dodge 3500 http://www.dodge.com/en/2008/ram_3500/ will do.. I prefer flame red color.
Your are treading on treacherous ground, ERR. Some hack will translate your satirical effort into Kannada and hand copies to our incomparable leaders. They then will make your revolutionary ideas part of their manifesto (I know some parties will publish their manifestos after the elections) and our brilliant voters will buy into them. “Let’s get elected first.” Nothing truer was ever said in our naadu.
Subbulakshmi, ee huduganige buddhi helkodu.
The combined election manifestos of our Parties will definitely be the longest suicide note of common man (aam admi) in history.
Promises need not be kept in politics. People tend to forget. You can promise the Moon and get elected, and get away with it. Later make enough for family and self.
Voters of Karnataka– ask for better quality of the following gifts promised during the coming elections:-
1. Better quality TV sets with warranty card, which will last till the next elections. What is given by MK in TN is sold in the market for Rs1000 and lasts for only 4-5 months.
2. Rice given in Ration for Rs2 in TN is not fit for human consumption. The quality of rice should be good. With the fodder for cattle and grain for poultry costing around Rs15 per Kg people buy this ration rice in front of the ration shop for Rs4, at a premium and feed this to the cattle.
3. Gas stove given in TN is of very poor quality metal and starts rusting with in a few days and one is not able to use it. When you go for the gas connection they put a stamp on the ration card and they stop issuing Kerosene. Now you can neither use the Kerosene stove or the gas stove and you have to go back to fire wood.
Beware of promises and promise makers!
Hari Narayana sar, this is a part of the promise, you will get your truck but without wheels.
Dharma sir,
It is already delivered to me and currently standing in front of my field.. Pudaaris now your turn to go one up on this..
http://nadunudi.wordpress.com/2008/04/20/election-demand/
For heaven’s sake don’t vote for JDS. Let the party be eliminated from our political scene.
The promising scenario ahead/Election rally adige mane
Gowda is stirring chocolatey mass of ragi mudde. Some of Lalu’s train-load of sattu bags are sitting in the corner, with a label –it will make the mudde stick together better.
The smell of basmati rice cooking in a pot nearby is wafting. Sonia has sent it for Rs 2/kg as rice harvest has not been good in South India.
Ready to eat rotis have been sent by both Mulayam and Mayawati. There is no tharkari anywhere. The BJP local unit has procured onions at a premium, thank God. But there is no kerosene to cook palya as the subsidised cans have been smuggled out for reservation-related sideshows at election grounds. Someone has ordered gas. As usual, the delivery man cannot be traced.
Priyanka enters to dish out the food in plates. Analysts reason that it is a a practice exercise to dish out pardons. Rahul follows soon after. He has to serve the food at tables, as all the farmers who may have otherwise helped, are no longer indebted and have taken to dairy farming to produce milk to supply to the BJP. He looks very much like our future PM, comment loyalists.
The entire oota is being telecast live on giant plasma screens. Not everyone is happy with the mixed offering ragi-sattu-roti-basmati-erulli etc. The politicians depart for a hotel nearby to eat meenu-mamsa.
The non-milk lobby enters the area secretly to supply “teertha” and garner votes for their masters. Since there is no water anyway –both Karnataka and TN have “locked” the Cauvery issue as it is election time, everybody is taking a swig.
Suddenly, all hell breaks lose. Spurious liquor takes a quick toll. The calamity fund however bails out most families of victims. By the time the relief is dispensed to all concerned, with some losing out to middlemen, it is time for another election and another oota.
The talent I see in these posts is amazing. Unfortunately our illiterate pols haven’t even the ability to understand a single nuance of anything. Name-calling is their only linguistic gift.
I genuinely fear for the people of Karnataka, especially because nobody is more averse to taking action as we are no matter how great an injustice might be.
Maybe we should hope things will continue to get worse, making an all cleansing revolution possible.
I appreciate the free land offer. But I need a good truck to take the produce to the market. I will vote only if you give me a truck alongwith the free land.
Make that a good truck-something like Dodge 3500