Meanwhile, as Indian States are busy with “The Great North-South Divide”, E.R. RAMACHANDRAN reports that officers of the BHiMARU special attaché landed at midnight last night at Santa Cruz airport in their own chartered aircraft.
The BHiMARU officers were received at the airport by the BHiMARU military wing with Z++ security. The team was whisked away to their headquarters in BHiMARU Nagar.
The governments of Bihar, Himachal Pradesh, Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and Uttar Prades recently started a joint operation to protect their citizens working in Bombay.
I had a chance to meet the BHiMARU charge d’affaires. After passing three security check points, the last one blindfolded, I was inside a 5’ * 5’ conference room.
“How will you take care of BHiMARU citizens?” I asked.
“Hamara Army will escort the workers wherever they go .The UN peace keeping force has also extended their support to us by sending their troops from Rwanda and Congo. We have parked them just off the Gateway of India. Governments of Pakistan and China bhi hame support karenge. They will fly their forces whenever there is a need.”
“What about Government of India? Will they send their central reserve police if you need them?”
“You mean GOI? Since state governments are not under their control any more, their area of operation does not extend beyond Qutub Minar and Red Fort in Delhi. Their leaders have no work and hence need no protection either. They function in small pockets of Delhi like Chhota satraps and are protected by Indian Army. Indian Air force jets accompany their leaders when they fly out of Delhi. But that is very rare.”
“Do you feel the governments in the South, especially Maharashtra, are unable to give protection to your citizens?” I asked the deputy charge d’affaires.
“We don’t need protection from anybody. Our BHiMARU forces will crush anybody taking panga with us. Jo hamse takrayega, unhe aise sabak sikhayenge, ki, unhe unki naani yadaaayenge. Our naval gunboats are anchored in Bandra. We can launch an attack on Maharashtra government, police, MNS, SS or anybody from our naval base off Shivaji Park. Hamara submarines sabko paani piladenge.”
“How will the UP bhaiyyas run their taxi service in Bombay?”
“In the paan shops near each traffic signal, we will have our pailwans in mufti. Dara Singh will be training all these chhote ustads. Amitabh bhaiyya and Amar Singh bhai are financing the whole thing. Troublemakers ko dho dalenge.”
“Who will give protection to the Biharis?”
‘The Patna Division of BHiMARU is funded by the government of Bihar. Laluji, Nitishji aur Paswanji are our fauj ke leaders. Those doing lifers in Bihar jails have been drafted into the Patna divison. MP has sent its dacoits from the Chambal.”
“Who is helping UP division?”
“Her Highness BMW is directly involved in this. These forces will be used in Bombay as well as Amethi and Rai Barelli before the elections. She feels, of late, goondas from the ruling party are seen moving around there suspiciously.”
“What does the Home Minister want to do?”
“You are again talking of GOI? Unka home minister is pestering us to offer him protection whenever he comes to Maharashtra.”
“Is there a chance for India to become united and live as one country again?”
“It is difficult to say. Dekho bhai, Southern Governments have also formed a union called GoMaTKKA. These are formed by the Governments of Goa, Maharashtra, Tamil Nadu, Kerala, Karnataka and Andhra. They say they will protect south Indians in North. GoMaTKKA’s Army is supported by LTTE which run camps for the GoMaTKKA cadre in Colombo. They teach how to mix cyanide powder in sambar-rice and sabudana-khichhdi and things like that.”
“What will happen to India?”
“The way it’s going on, I doubt whether India as a country that you and I know of, will exist in future. It will all be replaced by satraps of MNS, SNS, DK, Ka Ra Ve, Mu Ka, Vaiko, Bajrang Dal, Naxal, Ulfa, Indian Mujahideen and SIMI,” concluded the charge d’affaires.
The logic of Linguistic Statehood is merciless. But, I believe India could not have gone another way.
Like reservations, its (model of Statehood) conception and faulty implementation of its program, is at the root of today’s mess.
Excellent piece of satire. Loved it.
Thank God for linguistic states. Else we would all be Hindians living in Hindia. I have tremendous respect and admiration for the southern Indian culture(s). We would have been all homogenized into over-reproducing, mindless cattle divided along caste lines.
Marathi Manoos – Its not that the South is not divided along Caste lines, but I feel we deal with issues much better. Given the historical turbulence that the North was riven with, I’m not surprised they turned out this way. However, its time for change and I feel North Indians, especially the city slickers down South, had better shape up soon.
The reason for this divide is the huge economic gap between the North and South. Take the southern states of Karnataka, Maharashtra, Andhra Pradesh and Tamil Nadu. These states have the highest standard of living in India and are also progressing much faster than the rest of the country. Except for Gujarat the northern states are not very progressive. As a result, people have migrated from UP, Bihar, MP etc to Mumbai, Bangalore, Hyderabad looking for greener pastures.
I have no objection to people coming to our cities looking for work, but the problem begins with their attitude. These people ridicule our culture, our language and always try to show that theirs is better. They also refuse to integrate into the southern society, but instead expect localites to start speaking in Hindi.
What is happening in Mumbai should serve as a warning for them. Start respecting our culture or else go back to your state. If not, then I can see a civil war breaking out in India soon.
Let us make English the National language and use it as a link language throughout the nation.
I cannot agree with Kannadiga more.
Imbued with RSS culture, it is against my grain to think in terms of “States” as distinct from the Country as a whole. But I fear…no amount of emotional Nationalism can check the rising tide of anger in the South against the North.
Instead of brushing “MNS thought” under the carpet, we must take this seriously and start acting on it.
One good way of doing this is to start with the skewed language policy in our schools. There is no reason why North Indians cannot learn one of our Southern languages as part of their curricula.
I hope the Sangh has the guts to push this line of thinking with the BJP.
Let’s start with that. Something concrete!
Jayanagar, once the bastion of old-fashioned Kannada, is now dotted by Hindi speaking enclaves.
Family planning (voluntary or enforced) will help too…
Family planning starting with the BIMARU states. And family planning as a law. Like the freedom of movement (which combined with over breeding is wrecking havoc) is a right by law.
The day we kannadigas started promoting hindi/english at the expense of kannada, we wrote the final epitaph on our state and its people…sad but true.
It has to be PoGo-MaTKKA, Pondicherry included
A family planning law will help, but I have serious doubts on whether it will ever be implemented properly, *especially* in the Bimaru regions where even elections are not held as they should be. I think the Bimaru regions will be blissfully unaffected by any ban, whereas all other regions like Karnataka, Tamilnadu, Gujarat, etc. will have stable populations over time!
The south was not ravaged and penetrated by Isalm which is why native Indian civilization and culture survives there in a better form. The people there are gentler, and more educated as compared to the North. There is hardly any native architecture that survives in the North, but a great deal survives in the South. The culture in the North is dominated by a materialistic Panjabi culture from what I observed. One looks at States like Bihar–where the Buddha roamed around once–today it is a cesspool, when one goes there one cannot imagine that it once was the cradle of Indian civilization. What went wrong and what happened? Sadly, very few Indians care to read their history before the arrival of the British and to find the answers.
The south was not ravaged and penetrated by Isalm which is why native Indian civilization and culture survives there in a better form. The people there are gentler, and more educated as compared to the North. There is hardly any native architecture that survives in the North, but a great deal survives in the South. The culture in the North is dominated by a materialistic Panjabi culture from what I observed. One looks at States like Bihar–where the Buddha roamed around once–today it is a cesspool, when one goes there one cannot imagine that it once was the cradle of Indian civilization. What went wrong and what happened? Sadly, very few Indians care to read their history before the arrival of the British and to find the answers. My husband is Kashmiri. After what happened there, I doubt that there will be any Kashmiri Pandit culture left and Kashmiri is dying as a language.
“I think the Bimaru regions will be blissfully unaffected by any ban, whereas all other regions like Karnataka, Tamilnadu, Gujarat, etc. will have stable populations over time!”
– Vinay, this deduction is wrong. Over population in BIMARU states will mean more problems for Southern States. Influx of people in search of work and better standards of living will increase.
I personally believe that there is little motivation to control population anyways. Population will remain stable within particular communities that have traditionally been fewer. The effect need not transmute to geographic entities.
Ya right, over population in BIMARU states will mean more problems for the rest of the country, not only Southern states (also Gujarat, Himachal, etc.).
Since Mumbai has become hostile to THEM, more n more ppl are coming to Bengaluru… God save Bengaluru and Karnataka
very correct. I have been living in delhi for 7 years now and i have seen these Bihar criminals growing like a cancer in Delhi and almost all crime is committed by these bihar bayya. I pray this should not happen to pune. Mumbai is already infected so can’t say now.