The beginning of the end of India as we know it?

Meanwhile, as Indian States are busy with “The Great North-South Divide”, E.R. RAMACHANDRAN reports that officers of the BHiMARU special attaché landed at midnight last night at Santa Cruz airport in their own chartered aircraft.

The BHiMARU officers were received at the airport by the BHiMARU military wing with Z++ security. The team was whisked away to their headquarters in BHiMARU Nagar.

The governments of Bihar, Himachal Pradesh, Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and Uttar Prades recently started a joint operation to protect their citizens working in Bombay.

I had a chance to meet the BHiMARU charge d’affaires. After passing three security check points, the last one blindfolded, I was inside a 5’ * 5’ conference room.

“How will you take care of BHiMARU citizens?” I asked.

Hamara Army will escort the workers wherever they go .The UN peace keeping force has also extended their support to us by sending their troops from Rwanda and Congo. We have parked them just off the Gateway of India. Governments of Pakistan and China bhi hame support karenge. They will fly their forces whenever there is a need.”

“What about Government of India? Will they send their central reserve police if you need them?”

“You mean GOI? Since state governments are not under their control any more, their area of operation does not extend beyond Qutub Minar and Red Fort in Delhi. Their leaders have no work and hence need no protection either. They function in small pockets of Delhi like Chhota satraps and are protected by Indian Army. Indian Air force jets accompany their leaders when they fly out of Delhi. But that is very rare.”

“Do you feel the governments in the South, especially Maharashtra, are unable to give protection to your citizens?” I asked the deputy charge d’affaires.

“We don’t need protection from anybody. Our BHiMARU forces will crush anybody taking panga with us.  Jo hamse takrayega, unhe aise sabak sikhayenge, ki, unhe unki naani yadaaayenge.  Our naval gunboats are anchored in Bandra. We can launch an attack on Maharashtra government, police, MNS, SS or anybody from our naval base off Shivaji Park. Hamara submarines sabko paani piladenge.”

“How will the UP bhaiyyas run their taxi service in Bombay?”

“In the paan shops near each traffic signal, we will have our pailwans in muftiDara Singh will be training all these chhote ustads.  Amitabh bhaiyya and Amar Singh bhai are financing the whole thing. Troublemakers ko dho dalenge.”

“Who will give protection to the Biharis?”

‘The Patna Division of BHiMARU is funded by the government of Bihar. LalujiNitishji aur Paswanji are our fauj ke leaders. Those doing lifers in Bihar jails have been drafted into the Patna divison. MP has sent its dacoits from the Chambal.”

“Who is helping UP division?”

“Her Highness BMW is directly involved in this. These forces will be used in Bombay as well as Amethi and Rai Barelli before the elections. She feels, of late, goondas from the ruling party are seen moving around there suspiciously.”

“What does the Home Minister want to do?”

“You are again talking of GOI? Unka home minister is pestering us to offer him protection whenever he comes to Maharashtra.”

“Is there a chance for India to become united and live as one country again?”

“It is difficult to say. Dekho bhai, Southern Governments have also formed a union called GoMaTKKA. These are formed by the Governments of Goa, Maharashtra, Tamil Nadu, Kerala, Karnataka and Andhra. They say they will protect south Indians in North. GoMaTKKA’s Army is supported by LTTE which run camps for the GoMaTKKA cadre in Colombo. They teach how to mix cyanide powder in sambar-rice and sabudana-khichhdi and things like that.”

“What will happen to India?”

“The way it’s going on, I doubt whether India as a country that you and I know of, will exist in future. It will all be replaced by satraps of MNS, SNS, DK, Ka Ra Ve, Mu Ka, Vaiko, Bajrang Dal, Naxal, Ulfa, Indian Mujahideen and SIMI,” concluded the charge d’affaires.