Ten per cent of ten per cent of ten per cent is…

E.R. RAMACHANDRAN writes from Bombay: I was going to the Mysore Café at King’s Circle in Matunga when I spotted the Ace Political Expert (APE) walking ahead of ahead of me.

Here was a chance to understand what happened in Bombay straight from the horse’s mouth, I thought.

We ordered Mysore Masala Dose and as we were waiting I asked APE: “How does one convince Pakistan about the involvement of terrorists from its soil in the terror attack through evidence that is pouring like cats and dogs?”

APE  rolled the question over and while artfully poking a hole in dosa replied: “First we have to drum it into President Asif Ali Zardari‘s head that even though by his own admission Pakistan is by and large a ‘Stateless’ State and terrorists may be “non-State actors”, Faridkot is very much part of the State of Pakistan and that is where Kasab is from.”

I was surprised about APE’s impression of the President of the Republic of Pakistan, but may be this is what the whole world thinks of him, I thought.

“What about ISI’s role in training terrorists? Why doesn’t Zardari admit this evidence which India has given them time and again?”

“As the man who is known as “Mr Ten Per Cent”, Zardari genuinely thinks ISI stands for Indian Statistical Institute. Their Army feeds such information to him daily for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He thinks these organizations are meddling in Pakistan’s affairs. Their Army has still not told him that they have a body called Inter Services Intelligence which foments, assists terror modules,” replied APE.

Zardari appeared to be a kid in the park lost in the wilderness and not used to the brainwashing methods of the Generals in his country.

“At least he must be aware of Lashkar-e-Taiba (LeT) and its network all over the world and what they have done in India, especially in Bombay?”

“Pakistan’s Army has told Zardari that it is LTTE which is actively spreading terrorism all over the world including Sri Lanka and India. In the tuition books given to him by their Army, LeT  stands for the abbreviated Urdu version of LTTE,” replied the APE.

At this rate, I thought, Pakistan would face lot of problems if Zardari continued to be President.

Imagine saying to India “I will send ISI chief to India” and next day saying “I meant a junior officer”.

Or telling Larry King ‘Kasab is not a Pakistani’ when Kasab’s father confirms the same to The Dawn.

Still, I thought. Zardari must be good in something. Otherwise he wouldn’t have been found fit enough to become President? “He can’t all be that bad as you say or the Pakistani Army make him to be. He must have some strong Unique Selling Proposition (USP).”

“He has a USP which is a USP itself! Whatever he gets from the world to fight terrorism, he hears only ten per cent. Of that he understands only ten per cent. Of that he implements only ten per cent. Ten per cent is his only USP!” replied the APE as we finished coffee and got up.