Welcome to ‘Deve Gowda Steel Meal Centre’

Spurred by the success of the global investors’ meet, E.R. RAMACHANDRAN picks up an advertising copywriter’s stylus to pen a paean to Karnataka.

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Welcome to Karnataka.

The land of highs and lows, and amazing contrasts.

Beautiful hilltops and spellbinding valleys amidst zinc-sheet houses for flood victims.

A fantastic war memorial amidst an ocean of  chopped trees.

World-class software centres on fantastic highways sans footpaths.

After the global investors’ meet’ comprising only Indians, at the end of which money flowed into Karnataka like tidal power, literally washing the State off the map, Karnataka has become the new Eldorado for investors all over.

Some of the achievements of the State after the epoch-making, jaw-dropping response to GIM in 2010 are under.

#  Molten steel from a dozen companies in Bellary pour into gigantic steel buckets in China, Korea and the United States, although the pipes somehow cannot also transmit water.

#  Sarjapur Road has now become 100 % software road with work stations crammed into footpaths and alleys. IT companies are all queuing up to get some land from chaiwallas and dhabas at Rs 1,50,000 per square foot.

# Patients flying in to BIAL directly check-in to Narayana Hrudayalaya’s 5000-bed super speciality hospital for precautionary oxygen ‘fill-in’ before they enter the city to face traffic pollution. Dr Devi Shetty has been given another 1,00,000 sq ft. with  an SOS to build an asthma centre adjacent to the present hospital.

# With land not available for agriculture anymore and prices hitting rooftop, software companies finally decide to become self sufficient by starting ‘roof-top agriculture’ by cultivating paddy, wheat and vegetables. By using drip irrigation technology they exploit the huge land they bought from government and produce enough food for their employees in addition to exploiting software technology. In essence, they get bread, butter and jam.

#  To mitigate the perennial shortage of food, the CM has sent an SOS to Kiran Mazumdar, the czarina of biotechnology, to come out quickly with something using bio technology. She and her team, using enzymes, nano technology, zytrons , haldi powder and hagalkayi are trying to convert steel billets into millets, steel balls into ragi balls. This is the ultimate confluence of big business with food services. The results will be displayed and consumed in ‘Deve Gowda Steel Meal Centre’ in Padmanabha Nagar complex.

#  There has been little or no investment in gas projects.  Most of the industrialists thought that Karnataka Government generated enough ‘gas’ of its own during Vidhana Soudha debates, election speeches  and other places where ‘conditions apply’ when they freely express their feelings when  alone.

# Although there is scarcity of water all over the State, UB’s beer plant in Nanjangud has come up very well. This is considered  as a big relief as in times of emergency, alternate ‘theertha’ available for use in nearby  places of worship.

#   Karnataka built 11 airstrips in smaller towns like Kollegala, Haveri etc in 18 months—a record time, where it is mamool to build a bus station in 10 years. Since no planes can land here due to absence of runways and more importantly due to absence of airplanes, these have been used as additional moffusil bus stations. The green pastures around the airstrip are presently used for grazing cattle and sheep.

# The Bidadi project, after being in deep freeze, is back in the front burners. 10 villages, comprising 9,000 acres, will be thrown open to the highest bidder for infrastructure development, construction, marketing and maintenance. Instead of DLF and GMR, Swamijis in Bangalore have now shown interest in bidding for the project and convert the whole place into ashrams. They have already entered into ‘contracts’ and MOUs with their bhaktas on the dos and don’ts clauses on what to expect in their New Ashramas.

Karnataka is planning some more Investors’ Meets to harness its natural resources.

Also read: Whose global investors’ meet is it anyway?