Nine dosa burgers McDonald’s must introduce if it wants to capture our palates

What will McDonald’s proposed “dosa burger” be called? 



Or, will they stump us by sticking with good old “McDonald’s” itself and claiming that the capital ‘M’ and capital ‘D’ was always a secret code for Masala Dosa which only the great YNK knew?

Maybe not.

Let’s assume, then, that Mac launches the dosa in a bun and it becomes a raging ‘hit’ (Kannada for dough) the very day “Achche Din” arrives which is, like, never and then fucking what?

If your name is Amit Jatia, as the VC of the very menacing sounding “Westlife Development” company which runs some Mac restaurants in India is called, you will soon have a problem because, dude, you types know exactly one kind of dosa with the hard ‘d’.

Or two.

In other words, McDonald’s will need some line extensions of the dosa burger.

From the land which gave the world the dosa (well, that’s our claim, sue us), below are nine copyrighted suggestions to Mac’s marketing folk on what they can do going forward.

# SetMac: Three baby dosa burgers—open to sky—served without any filling and with only a watery coconut-based “condiment” aka chutney on match days. Game. Set. Mac.

# MasalaSetMac: Two dosa burgers, slightly bigger than SetMac, one filled with a semi-dry potato filling aka ‘palya’ and the other with wet ‘saagu’, as in sarson da sagu.

# MacAdai: Paisa vasool, value-for-money dosa burger made with the same combination of dals (lentils) fed to Rashtrapati Bhavan horses before the Republic Day parade.

# MacNeer: Super light, off-white dosa burgers as damp as a used paper tissue and about as thick. To be served in sets of four. (Not to be confused with MacPanNeer.)

# The Great Khali: A WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) dosa burger, bigger than MasalaSetMac but ‘khali’ (empty) inside, a little like ‘Seinfeld’ and funny as “nothing”.

# MacPaper: Not ‘USA Today’, as Al Neuharth‘s newspaper was called, but a lovers-friendly Berliner-sized footlong which can be devoured from both ends till the lips meet.

# MacRava: Magic dosa burger made with nearly no ingredients. Burger as maya—it is there and it is not there, and while you wrestle with the illusion, the bill kills.

# MacDoPyaaza: Dosa burger with sharp carmellised onions. Mughal vegetable meets South Indian dough on infidel bread. Co-branded with Listerine.

# MacUTP: Utthapam-inspired dosa burgers, served on long holiday weekends because it’s going to take as long to slide down the alimentary canal.

(All trademarks rest with Churumuri Corp, LLC)