Seven ways to make Shiv Sena MP Ravindra Gaikwad feel at home again

The male parliamentarian of the year, “Prof” Ravindra Gaikwad, has been allowed to slap again.

Because the BJP is a party with a difference…

Because the BJP respects women…

Because the BJP gives full autonomy to institutions…

The Narendra Modi government has written to Air India to lift the ban on the Shiv Sena MP who rained 20 slaps on a 60-year-old lady cabin crew member, who couldn’t find him a business class seat on a flight without a business class section.

Ek ka haath, sab ka vikas’.

Since Spicejet is (almost) BJP-owned and since Indigo is (definitely) NCP-owned, our flying monuments to crony capitalism will soon roll over and roll out the red carpet to the ‘goonda’ who cannot say sorry.

But there is such a thing as self-respect, which the current Lok Sabha clearly hasn’t much respect for.

How should airline staff greet and welcome “Prof” Gaikwad when he walks in through the doors?

Here are a few on-air announcements to make an honoured guest feel truly comfortable:

# “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, netas and napunsaks, welcome on board…”

# “There are five doors in this aircraft, two in front, two at the back, and one below seat 3C…”

# “…in case of a drop in cabin pressure, air masks will drop down on a case by case basis.”

# “Cabin lights will be dimmed for takeoff. However if you wish to read the jail manual your colleagues saved you from, you may switch on the reading light located above your empty head….”

# “This is your captain from the flight deck. We are now flying over India’s most malnourished city. As a gesture of goodwill, should you wish to throw out anything we have in excess…”

# “The captain has switched off the seatbelt sign, but in the interests of our safety, you may please keep your hand cuffs on…”

# “We are now off the active runway. You may now use your cell phone to tell your near and dear ones what a pleasant trip it was flying with ‘Prof’ Ravindra Gaikwad.”