It takes a PhD in environmental toxicology from Cornell University to serve up a nice number to those who love the fudge cooked up by Narendra Modi’s statistical chefs

Can’t beat UPA’s growth rate? Calculate the GDP rate differently.

Can’t provide two crore jobs as promised? Stop tracking employment.

Worst unemployment in 45 years? Bury the NSSO report.

Can’t stop the attack of journalists? Stop counting the deaths.

Mudra loans swindled without creating jobs? Commission a new study.

Can’t make trains run on time? Increase the travel time. Or speed up the video.

You can get mad at the statistical leaps of the Narendra Modi government which loves the Guinness Book of Records.

Or you can sing a song to get the message across.

Rahul Ram, son of the great botanist H.Y. Mohan Ram—and nephew of H.Y.Sharada Prasad, media adviser to three prime ministers—does the latter.

In association with his ‘Indian Ocean’ chums, Varun Grover and Sanjay Rajoura.

“Data…

“kuch tum ne chupaya data

“Kuch galat bataya data

“Chhappan kehalaathe tum, magar number se darte hain kyoon?

“Farmer suicide ke bhi, aankhaade na rakhte ho kyoon?

“Jab RSS ka data, aur NSS ka data, jab ek hoga gaya

“Dekho janata ko choothiya banana bura”

***

Meanwhile, Pakistan too is becoming an Islamic Hindustan when it comes to data.