ROHIT K.G. writes from Dubai: I’m sure you’ve all read the emails on the two-cow economic system, where cows and milk production is managed according to the economic policies of different nations.
Here’s one for the Gulf and other countries in the region.
DUBAI SYSTEM: You have two cows. You create a website for them and advertise them in all magazines. You create a Cow City or Milk Town for them. You sell off their milk before the cows have even been milked to both legit and shady investors who hope to resale the non-existent milk for a 100% profit in two years time. You bring Tiger Woods to milk the cow first to attract attention.
QATAR SYSTEM: You have two cows. They’ve been sitting there for decades and no one realizes that cows can produce milk. You see what Dubai is going; you go crazy and start milking the heck out of the cows’ boobs in the shortest time possible. Then you realize no one wanted the milk in the first place.
SAUDI SYSTEM: Since milking the cow involves nipples the government decides to ban all cows in public. The only method to milk a cow is to have a cow in on one side of the curtain and the guy milking the cow on the other or to hire females and train to milk the cows … the debate is still going on.
BAHRAIN SYSTEM: You have two cows. Some high government official steals one, milks it, sells the milk and pockets the profit. The government tells you there is just one cow and not enough milk for the people. The people riot and scream death to the govt and carry Iranian flags. The Parliament, after thinking for 11 months, decides to employ ten Bahrainis to all milk the cow at the same time so cut back on unemployment.
OMAN SYSTEM: Do we really care ?
KUWAIT SYSTEM: You have two cows, one is gay the other is a fanatic! All the cows in the world hate these two cows, and these two cows hate the world.
LEBANON SYSTEM: You have two cows. One is owned by Syria and the other is controlled by the government.
YEMEN SYSTEM: Both don’t function since they are drugged up on “gat” 24/7.
churumuri 
EGYPTIAN SYSTEM:
You have two cows. Both are voting for Mubarak!
YEMENI SYSTEM:
You once had a cow. But then it got kidnapped.
KUWAITI SYSTEM:
Upon hearing how popular cows are in the Gulf region, a group of young male Kuwaitis buy a herd. Unfortunately, they attach so many accessories (ski-racks, 3500 watt sub-woofers, nipple lights, etc) that the cows almost collapse under the weight and/or embarrassment. The herd are all tragically killed in a massive pile-up whilst their owners are attempting to perform donuts by the Towers.
IRAQI SYSTEM:
The British Government sends in a herd of 20 cows in a trial run to help a village outside Basra. The villagers are extremely grateful for the extra milk and the health of the children improves daily. A terrorist group then kidnaps the cows and accuses them of being traitors to the cause? (whatever that is). The terrorists then produce signed confessions from the cows and systematically assassinates each one of them in front of Al Jazeera television cameras.
OMANI SYSTEM:
You have three cows, they are all healthy and produce good quality milk for sale at the market. Unfortunately, your son discovers that the money he received at the market can be used to buy beer. Your grand expansion plans for a new high-tech farm are put on hold indefinitely.
KERALA SYSTEM
The milking of cows will not be permitted in Private Sector under any circumstances. Perform strikes on the issue that last for atleast Four years demanding the formation of a Public Sector Company for Milking the cow or the milking to be undertaken by Government itself. By that time the Government changes and they decides that it can be done by Co-operative sector. The life span of the cow is only 7 years and expire just after the inaguration of Kerala Milking Co-Operative Society.
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How can blogger can print article making fun of cows, which is sacred animal for millions of Hindus. If blogger has guts let him print the danish cartoons of ….
Since hindus can tolerate everything, anyone can write anything about hindus in this country. That is the sorry state of India…mera bharat mahan!
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Funny.
Dr. Chetana.. funny stuff as well :-)
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BANGALORE SYSTEM: You have two cows, sorry, a few hundreds, and they roam all over the streets of Bangalore during the day. At night, you milk cows from US and UK — outsourcing — and call yourself the Silicon Valley of India!
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DeveGowda Family System:
Kila Kilaa…. ayyayyappa!!!
Get cows on forced donation system (similar to getting sites / petrol bunk in Padmanabhanagar), get government grants for food (poor farmer grants in terms of agricultural land) and government sheds for stay (similar to Government houses provided for their privileged members – remember, they belong to first family of Karnataka), get them milked using government machinery (similar to using state legal machinery for suing people who try to meddle with them / their family), either use all the milk only in CM’s house (remember mining scandal in Bellary?) or send it over to JD(S) national president’s house (remember BMIC?) and if still remaining, send it to all other relatives including the cabinet minister brother of CM (remember Dairy Co-op society?)
kila kilaa…. ayyappaa!!! kaala kettoytappaa!!!
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Ratings:
ROHIT K.G. * * * * *
Dr. Chetana * * *
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Kolkata system
Two cows were sent to Kolkata. Kolkatans argued why cow and not bull? Bulls were sent. Kolkatans argued with Bull why giving no milk? When Bull still not give milk.. Mamta didi accuses Govt of conspiracy & called for strike. When intellectuals tried to pacify Mamta she got angry & called for hunger strike. Later Buddhodeb went with cow and showed here that it is cow that gives the milk and not Bull. Mamta got a glass of fresh milk from cow , Had it full, releated another glass, Burrrrp and went to Job again by critising the quality of milk and called for a strike. her party members bought the cow from back channels and mik it everyday for nutritious milk for everyone of their party including the didi who required enough strength to yet again call for another strike of Buddha mismanaged with cows. Bull issue is forgotten only to be brought back either when Buddhadeb is caught ‘drinking’ the milk or Mamta wanted the bull deal with red flag of CPI(M) at the time of election.
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